Son of Sardar 2

If aliens abduct me at the end of this week, I will have to be honest and tell them that the last film I watched featured Ajay Devgn dancing with his fingers, Sanjay Mishra casually strangling a cobra before flinging it aside (“go, get well soon, bye”) like it’s a daily routine, the camera entering the eyes of a high-on-poppy-seeds Sharat Saxena to reveal a party of dancing and turban-clad worms, Deepak Dobriyal playing a transwoman so convincingly that I had no idea he was in the film till 30 minutes in, a 70-something British pole dancer who dies while showcasing her talent (“who folded her body?”), Chunky Panday chanting “Pakistan, zindabad!” as a punchline in 2025, and Devgn pretending to be a colonel and narrating scenes from Border (1997) when asked to regale a family of Indian nationalists with anecdotes — where he switches between dialogue of Sunny Deol, Suniel Shetty and Jackie Shroff. The final straw for the aliens might be when they hear that the acronym of the title is SoS: a distress signal disguised as a movie. Just like that, I will be un-abducted.