Jewel Thief - The Heist Begins

सबसे पहले तो नेटफ्लिक्स वालों को अपने सब्सक्राइर्ब्स से यह शपथ-पत्र साइन करवा लेना चाहिए कि ‘ज्वेल थीफ’ नाम की इस फिल्म को देखने से पहले वे लोग कोई रिव्यू नहीं पढ़ेंगे, फिल्म देखते समय कोई सवाल नहीं पूछेंगे और फिल्म देखने के बाद बिना गाली-गलौज किए अपना सब्सक्रिप्शन जारी रखेंगे। चलिए आगे बढ़ते हैं। हां तो, एक विलेन है जिसके बारे में पूरी दुनिया के क्राइम वर्ल्ड को पता है कि वह बदमाश आदमी है, नहीं पता तो मुंबई पुलिस को, दुनिया भर की पुलिस को। उसे पांच सौ करोड़ के एक हीरे की चोरी करवानी है इसलिए वह एक नामी चोर के पापा को ब्लैकमेल करता है। वह नामी चोर क्यों नामी है, यह बात हमें नहीं बताई जाती। भई, हर बात क्यों बताई जाए 149 रुपए में पूरा महीना नेटफ्लिक्स चाटने वालों को? हां तो, उस नामी चोर के पीछे मुंबई पुलिस के एक अफसर ने सरकारी खर्चे पर दो ऐसे बंदे छोड़ रखे हैं जो विदेशों में घूम-घूम कर उस पर सिर्फ ‘नज़र’ रख रहे हैं और उनमें से एक तो चिप्स खा-खाकर इतना तगड़ा (मोटा पढ़िए) हो चुका है कि चार कदम भी नहीं भाग पाता। इन्हें चकमा देकर वह नामी चोर मुंबई आ जाता है क्योंकि वह हीरा भी मुंबई आने वाला है। यह बात भी सबको पता है, बस नहीं पता तो हमारे उस पुलिस अफसर को। वैसे इस पुलिस अफसर की मुंबई में भले ही न चलती हो, विदेशी पुलिस इसके एक इशारे पर जुट जाती है। अब शुरू होती है उस हीरे को चुराने की मुहिम और साथ ही शुरू होता है चोर-पुलिस का खेल।

Jewel Thief has an Abbas–Mustan–shaped hole in it. The specifics are difficult to convey, but the outcome is easy to see. Here are some pointers: there is no plot, only plot twists. Plot twists have twists, and the twists are twisted for more twists. All characters are uniformly smug, and each is afforded a minimum of five backstories. Everyone is outwitting everyone else, and by the time the second round of outwitting begins, logic takes a backseat and having pulpy fun is the goal.

What can be more exciting than a heist drama which invariably gets us the requisite dose of adrenalin rush? Back in time, there was the Dev Anand-starrer ‘Jewel Thief’ and more recently, Netflix’s Spanish drama ‘Money Heist’, which captured our imagination and set it afire. So, as yet another tale of a suave thief, a con artist at that, drops on Netflix, we are all agog. Only, our enthusiasm doesn’t last too long. In walks one of our favourites and undisputedly the industry’s finest actor, Jaideep Ahlawat, as Rajan Aulakh. Donning shirtless suits, tattoos and chains adorning his much slimmer neckline, he is quite the crime lord masquerading as an art curator. In a few moments, it is established that he is the villain of the piece. Since he has lost a major chunk of his wealth, he needs to steal Red Sun, a huge African diamond valued at Rs 500 crore, soon to be exhibited in an Indian museum. Only, he is not skilled enough to pull off the job himself and has to hire a jewel thief. Enter our hero Reyan Roy (Saif Ali Khan), whose sleight of hand is very much in sight; yes, stealing the very necklace he has gifted the very beautiful woman he sleeps with.

Rehan, a con artist, is forced by a gangster Rajan to steal a valuable diamond – The Red Sun – to save his dad. Meanwhile, Rajan’s wife, Farrah and Rehan are attracted to each other. A street-smart cop, Vikram, is on the hunt for Rehan. Rehan’s pursuit of the diamond gets trickier with time, as he tries to outsmart Rajan while dealing with his feelings for Farah. In the ultimate showdown, who has the last laugh? The hackneyed script gives the capable cast very little to work with. Saif Ali Khan looks mostly disinterested, coasting through emotional beats with his natural charm but little commitment. Jaideep Ahlawat is a major disappointment; his character and dialogues feel stuck in a bygone era of 70s cinema.

Jewel Thief directed by Kookie Gulati, Robbie Grewal explores the story of a heist with both partners trying to one up each other. However, the thief best known for his skills ends up winning the loot and the girl. Led by Jaideep as the bad boy and Saif Ali Khan as the good hearted thief, the film doesn’t have anything new to offer, in terms of comedy, music, direction or story line. The story takes itself too seriously, border lining Dhoom, Sikander and Race franchises. The film beings with Rajan Aulakh’s introduction as the bad boy who is rich, acquires art, paintings and occasionally likes to dabble into painting himself, with the blood of his enemies. We never find out much about what he does, but his illegal accounts are ceased by Interpol and to get the money back to his clients he needs to find a new way. His way is none other then getting in touch with a well known Jewel Thief, Rehan Roy played by Saif Ali Khan. By blackmailing his family, Rajan finds a way to get in touch with Rehan in Budapest.

What we do in memes doesn’t echo in movies. Studios want their releases to go viral so badly they’ll try and reverse engineer such moments. But more often, the things that work are simple and unpredictable—like 10 seconds of Jaideep Ahlawat dancing. Everyone was delighted to see Ahlawat do his best Travolta in OAFF-Savera’s catchy ‘Jaadu’ from Jewel Thief. Netflix quickly cut a Jaideep-focused promo. It’ll bring a few curious viewers to the film, where they’ll discover Ahlawat plays a character so boringly reprehensible that by the time the song comes around in the end credits, no one wants to see him dance. Placing Jaideep Ahlawat and Saif Ali Khan in opposition is a good idea in theory: low-vibe grumbler versus high-vibe trickster. Rehan (Khan) is an internationally renowned jewel thief who’s been laying low. He’s hunted down in Budapest by his younger brother, who begs him to help out their father, with whom Rehan had a falling out. A thuggish art dealer, Rajan (Ahlawat), is blackmailing the retired doctor to get Rehan to Alibaug and help him rob a priceless jewel called the Red Sun. And there’s a detective, Vikram (Kunal Kapoor), who’s been trying to catch Rehan for years.

A thought occurred to me while watching Shauna Gautam’s much-derided Nadaaniyan – starring Ibrahim Ali Khan and Khushi Kapoor. To be fair, it was 2.30 am (the hour of epiphanies) on a Saturday, and I was watching it for some laughs. After a while the clunky dialogue, the stiff performances and the air-brushed palette of the film began to feel more deliberate. The film was obviously beyond salvaging, but after a point it seemed like some studio executive had instructed the makers to lean into the ‘badness’ of the film, try to make it as grating an experience for the audience as possible. The thought behind it probably being: if you can’t make the best film, you might as well try and make the worst film out there. In an ocean of content, this might be a way to generate conversation, and stand out. What else explains so many shoddy choices, one after the other, going unchecked? Either that, or the crew, the producers and the platform had fully given up on the film.